I have been feeling a little lost.
Do you ever feel like you have forgotten your purpose?
Do you wonder where the weeks go or even the days. Time speeds by so fast and at the same time it drags like nobody’s business.
I’ve tried to write blog posts but I just can’t seem to find the words.
I’ve worked on projects but I can’t seem to finish anything.
Start one thing and stop.
Start something else and stop.
Almost 6 months ago, my friend left and needs to be gone for an extended amount of time.
6 weeks ago my other friend took a job and went away.
Now I have plenty of friends so I’m not alone for goodness sake. But these two are my girls.
For months prior to them leaving I whined. Yes I whined. I didn’t want things to change. I liked it just like it was.
I spoke of replacing them and moving on. Yeah….that’s not going to happen.
I spoke of filling the void of their departures with so many things.
So many things.
2 months ago my dad went to heaven.
Weeks after he left, I had an epiphany. The reason why I couldn’t figure out how to fill the void was because I wasn’t supposed to.
I was to be still. I needed to fill my time with healing and serenity. I needed time to breathe and learn how to live without Dad. This will not happen quickly but it will happen.
I needed to fill my days with peace and contentment. Days spent with Mom and my precious Jack that fills my heart when the sadness wants to take over. Evenings with Steve rocking on the front porch eating ice cream or cuddled up watching a movie. Neighborhood walks with the family and dinner with friends Weekends full of a lot or nothing at all.
All this to say, I didn’t need to find a replacement for my friends. God already knew what I needed, exactly when I needed it.
I wish that I wasn’t so impatient.
Maybe I wouldn’t have whined.