A whole stinking year

Hey Dad,

It’s been a year today.

One year ago today at 4:05pm, you changed your address.

We miss you.

The first of everything this first year has been hard. We celebrated your birthday and ate chicken wings. We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas. You weren’t here and it was very obvious.

However, we have lived life.

Remember this picture from last year? It was Jack’s first time seeing Santa.

As I look back at pictures. I can see how sick you were.

I’m so sorry that I didn’t see it all the time. I think sometimes I just didn’t want to see.

Now……I see it.

Now, we can talk about how strong you were. You got up and did whatever you wanted to whenever you could do it. I wish that I had told you how proud I was of you. I can now see the days that you struggled so hard but because you didn’t want to give up, you did it sick and all.

We had friends over last night and we talked about how I can now go to the garage without you. 6 months was the amount of time that it took before I could go and not sob. I wasn’t sure I could do it anymore but time heals. I had to allow time to grieve.

Mom has been brave.

Mom is stronger than she gives herself credit for. She wants to be tough and I just keep telling her that she’s allowed to be sad. Learning to live without you after 64 years is hard.

Hard cannot begin to describe it.

Today I wanted to be able to celebrate your “Heaven day.” I didn’t want to cry all day. A few tears fell as we sang “it is well.” It’s been my theme song all year. A few words from the song makes my heart rejoice.

The mountain that has been in front of me, will be cast into the depths of the sea. The mountain that I have climbed is your departure.

Through it all

Through it all

My eyes are on you.

Through it all

Through it all

It is well.

I don’t have to wonder if you are in heaven. I don’t have to wonder if we will meet again. I don’t have to wonder about those kinds of things. I just have to trust in God’s plan and in His timing. Thank you for living your life so that I didn’t have to worry.

I still miss you like crazy. I miss our time in the garage.The laughter and the joy. I miss you questioning my design choices. The rolling of your eyes when I distress a piece of furniture……again. I miss seeing you on the lawn mower. I miss watching you be with jack.

Speaking of Jack. The boy loves cars! I can hear you laugh everyone he picks up a toy car and studies it like it’s his job.

When we cleaned out the basement a couple of weeks ago, we put all your model cars into a tote for Jack. Now, every time we go outside he wants to sit and go through that tote and put out every car. Some of them he even says “Papas car.” He knows.

Today is not the end of sadness.

I’ll still miss you everyday.

But we made it Dad. We made it a whole stinking year without you.

I know you are proud of us

I’m proud of us

Happy heaven day Daddy. Tell everyone we say Hi.

See you soon.


Your baby girl

About Charmadawn

Jesus lover πŸ’œ Wife of Steve for 36 years πŸ’œ Mom to 2 grown kiddos πŸ’œ BB to grandsons Jack, Luke and Patrick Joseph πŸ’œ5 years ago we purchased, Rescued and Restored a 118 year old farmhouse and we live together as a multigenerational household. Come follow our crazy. Isaiah 54:7
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1 Response to A whole stinking year

  1. Faye j says:

    Beautiful sweet friend!πŸ’•


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