When it’s not supposed to be about you

I don’t have teenagers anymore.

There are a few teenagers that I love and is why I went to a “City Wide” youth event last night. It was to guide and protect our students who came to worship and to be enriched by some exciting speakers.

The pavilion was packed.

The lights dimmed

The smoke machine started

The singers sang. Boy did they sing.

I have sang with and led some of the singers last night. I felt like the proudest of momma birds.

I couldn’t have been more proud of this girl. She sang with her whole heart. She made me so proud.

Music is my jam. It’s how I worship and when I sang the words about being Who HE says I Am, the tears fell. As I watched the youth of our city sing from their hearts. lift their hands to the Father in song, I didn’t want it to be about me. But I couldn’t help it.

The last few months have been hard. They have been full of tough questions and heart hurting decisions. There have been tears and mean words. There have been quiet moments of reflections and sadness.

But when we sang Bigger than I thought by passion. The words
struck me:

So I throw all my cares before You
My doubts and fears don’t scare You
You’re bigger than I thought You were
You’re bigger than I thought
So I stop all negotiations
With the God of all creation

You’re bigger than I thought You were
You’re bigger than I thought You were

Why is it so hard? It’s really not. I’m tired of trying to negotiate what I think I want. I know He is bigger than me.

I totally know it but I’m also stubborn and sometimes hard headed. I want it the way I want it and I don’t like to be told what to do. Plain and simple.

However I do trust Him. I trust Him with every being of my body and I don’t like to argue. I don’t like confrontation and I want Him to be proud of me.

I’m His.

I’m going to put that song on repeat.

About Charmadawn

Jesus lover 💜 Wife of Steve for 36 years 💜 Mom to 2 grown kiddos 💜 BB to grandsons Jack, Luke and Patrick Joseph 💜5 years ago we purchased, Rescued and Restored a 118 year old farmhouse and we live together as a multigenerational household. Come follow our crazy. Isaiah 54:7
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