I’m preparing for book club. We are reading Present over Perfect by Shauna Niequist.
It has slapped me a few times but today, as I re-read a chapter in the section titles Legacy, this paragraph spoke to me:
“Some of us are made to write songs and grants and novels, all different things. I’m finding that one of the greatest delights in life is walking away from what someone told you you should be in favor of walking towards what you truly love, in your own heart, in your one secret soul.”
I’ve not felt myself for a long time. I have struggled as many do with “life things.” Deaths and births, moving, new friends, old friends, jobs and no jobs and so many more I can’t begin to list.
Everyone deals with things differently and not one is right or wrong. For months, I have felt like something is wrong. I’m not a depressed kind of person but if I had to describe my feelings, I would have titled it some sort of depression. I don’t like to be labeled and I don’t like to label others. Why does it have to have a title to be real? It doesn’t.
I’m missing some things that are incredibly important to me, due to changes in our weekly dynamics. I refuse to wallow in self pity because of things that are uncontrollable. It’s ok to mourn but I can’t just stay there. It’s important to move forward. Disappointment is real. So is grace. I have listened to two sermons in the last two weeks. The first was what to do with all the extra grace and the other was how to deal with disappointment. Sermons that speak to my very core. I am so incredibly blessed and I feel as if Grace has dumped a whole load on me. I’ve also dealt with disappointment lately and I not only want to move ahead but I need to.
Do you ever feel like a new day comes and the lights come on? The sun hits you just right and the days seem to be just a little happier.
I sound dramatic and I’m not meaning to. I just feel more like myself than ever before.
I have people who have asked if I’m ok and of course it’s always yes. However I know they aren’t dumb and know there’s more.
Thank you, you know who you are, for allowing me to live through the pain in my own way without pushing. Allowing me to wallow a little. Be sad when sad is necessary. I want to be that to others in my life.
Two friends, out of no where stopped Saturday at our house. They both apologized for just showing up. The best part of their visit? They stopped without calling. That means that we are open and welcoming. Nothing could make me happier.
Being present over Perfect is not easy for me. I want to be both for goodness sake. However I also want to sit where my gifts are and use those gifts where they belong.
Spring has sprung and it feels like I have entered my spring. New growth, a brighter day and abundant blessings.
Be intentional friends. If your gut tells you to call someone, call them. If you get the urge to invite people for dinner, DO IT. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Listen, I’m preaching because I’m the one who is listening the hardest. Just do it.