Sleepless nights are ridiculous. I can’t just lay in the bed waiting for it to happen when I can feel in my gut that sleep is far away.
Stare at the ceiling? Well it’s dark so no.
Count sheep or goats or whatever farm animal you choose? No thank you.
It starts with a nudge. My brain nudging my body from beautiful slumber. I can feel it and I try my dangest to push it away. Just lay there as still as you possibly can and the nudge will go away?
It just doesn’t work.
DANG IT!! I have such a busy day today, as it’s not yesterday anymore……it’s today. Saturday! Glorious Saturday when my favorite human is home. We wake slowly and sometimes play with Jack while still lounging around on our pjs. I drink coffee while he munches on his favorite cereal. We plan our day and enjoy the slowness of the morning.
This particular Saturday is photo day. We have our favorite photographer coming today to use our prized Lucy truck as her prop. She will have strangers lining up beside our beautiful red truck, dressed in their finest, smiling their biggest with Christmas music blaring while the photographer snaps their pictures. At 5:30, it’s our turn. The family has arrived and we have laid out our clothes. We are taking a family picture. We haven’t had one in a very long time. It’s not been an easy sell. The matriarch of the family is injured and can barely walk, a newborn in the house makes some look like walking zombies, a two year old escapes his crib most nights and tonight…..of course tonight, my body’s chooses to lay awake, currently on the couch watching Gilmore girls on Netflix and eating Cheetos.
I think of the dark circles I will need a bucket of concealer to cover up.
As I think about our photo, I still wish Dad was here. He would be so excited to be sitting next to that old truck. He would be rolling his eyes when I tell him we are dressing up for the picture. I can still hear his voice as he says “I gotta wear what?” or “you are kidding me.” His presence will forever be missed when the new picture hangs in the house and I walk by it every day.
Life definitely goes on.
As I sat on the porch with a young friend the other morning, she mentioned how much she enjoyed our friendship. I replied ” I’m old enough to be your mother.” So……. was her response. It’s not important the age of your friends, it’s who you enjoy spending time with.
The same friend came by yesterday with her young daughter and played with Jack and I during Jack and BB Friday Fun day. It was a rough morning for her and her young daughter. As the two young ones played “dump the rocks in a bucket” over and over again, we chatted. We spoke of the needs of a young working mother and some of a not so young grandmother. The tears flowed as we talked about life. About how hard some things are and how wonderful other things are.
Some days it feels like sitting in a car backwards and fighting your way to get out
Some days it’s shoveling sawdust over and over again and never feeling like it goes away
Late in the day we chatted via text about some of the earlier discussion. She thanked me for today and why it’s good to have friends not the same age. Mamas who have been through the younger baby age can share how it’s going to be ok and that one day you will look back on the current season with fondness. Thank you sweet friend for filling my life with things I didn’t know I needed and wanted.
Maybe I have basement renovation swirling in my head as we gathered floor samples and paint chips last night. Fun date night huh? Saturday to-do’s include deciding on a cabinet paint color and seeing if the floor is anywhere near my liking. I’m not hopeful on the floor, but starting is the first step.
Oh my…….. no wonder I don’t sleep.
Too much excitement swirling around my brain.
Well it’s 3:30am and I’ve already been awake for two hours.
I might need a nap.
Have a great Saturday!