I don’t even like socks and there is no timeline for grief

We’ve made it to the middle of December.

December and the holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.

I try.

I really try to be joyful and love the holidays but I just don’t.

The weather doesn’t help. I’m a summer girl. I like the sun and the warm. Bring on the warm. I don’t like socks and I have to wear them when it’s cold. Today it will be 80 degrees so flip flops it is.

The time changes and it’s dark so early and when it’s dark, I want to go to bed and who goes to be at 6:30?

December is Dads heaven month. I’ve been weepy and my sweet best friend Becky said to me a couple of weeks ago that while I might not feel grief, my body is telling me that the time is approaching to click over another year without Dad. 2 years is a long time and it seems like yesterday we were building things and he was rolling his eyes at me. We were having chicken wings at the local restaurant and playing with baby Jack who is now 2 1/2. I remind Jack when we see a picture of Dad but he will only remember being told of Papa PeeWee. He won’t know how much he was loved.

Grieving is not only for another person but for experiences that can no longer happen due to unforeseen circumstances.

I watched this sweet girl sing in church a few weeks ago. We used to sing together almost weekly.

Now we don’t.

As I sat and sang the sweet worship songs, tears flowed as I grieved what used to be.

The people that I miss.

Even if it’s the right thing to do, doesn’t not make it hard

Grieving is not being able to do the things you have always been able to do. We age. Our bodies don’t always cooperate and we grieve what “used to be.”

I spoke to Mom and her BFF Dee a few weeks ago and we talked about aging and how just because you are old doesn’t mean you don’t deserve respect. No one wants to be treated as if they are old. No one wants to be spoken to like you are incompetent or unable to make a decision. Aging isn’t always pretty and don’t you think the older folks know they are slower and maybe need a little help now and then.

Don’t forget they were your age once and one day you will be their age, if you are lucky.

Grieving sucks

Plain and simple

But it’s also a part of life that we have to go through. You can’t jump over it or hide under it. We must push through like nobody’s business and as we near the end of this month, I might not smile right away, but it will come.

I promise.

About Charmadawn

Jesus lover 💜 Wife of Steve for 34 years 💜 Mom to 2 grown kiddos 💜 BB to grandsons Jack and Luke 💜4 years ago we purchased, Rescued and Restored a 116 year old farmhouse and we live together as a multigenerational household. Come follow our crazy. Isaiah 54:7
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