I lay here in the dark

It’s 2:30am

Why?

My cute hubs text went off at 1:00am

I rolled over and thought it was mine. Not because I frequent texting in the middle of the night but because my father in law is in the hospital and with each ding, no matter whose phone it is, it makes me think of him.

We live 2 1/2 hours away from the rest of the Kern family and in times like this, it’s difficult.

It’s hard to know we can’t just be there in 10 minutes

It’s hard to know that the sisters are handling the brunt of all the decisions and caring for Dad and his dog

It’s hard to not be right there.

To be able to walk the dog or sit by his bed .

It’s all just hard

The text?

It was random

But now I lay here wide awake

Do I get up?

Do I search for the NyQuil to go back to sleep?

It’s a big day tomorrow and I have book club tomorrow night.

I could go finish my taxes but who really wants to do that?

I think I’ll just pray

Do you mind I if pray through writing?

Father God,

As I lay here in the darkness I can feel your infinite grace. I can feel your peace, your love and your kindness. My mind wanders to my FIL Bill. He has had such a long and full life. What a hard worker he was. Now he is aged. He just seems so sad. It breaks my heart to see him sad and lacking the agility his body once had.

He falls and every time I wonder how he feels. Not just pain wise but his heart. I pray to you right this second to fill his heart with peace. Give him a feeling that he might not know what it is. A calmness. I don’t know how to pray for him. I feel helpless from so far away. I pray so hard for the sisters and for Steve. I pray for their strength. I pray for the knowledge in regards to the next days. I pray for comfort and for the peace to know how to proceed with dads care.

The last few weeks have been many people asking for prayer. Friends seeking guidance and time. The world we live in is hard. It’s confusing and there aren’t many clear answers but all I can do is point them to you.

You have the answers.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen