The Downtown Farmhouse

I wanted this exact Pottery Barn stocking holder for Jack. I definitely wanted his initial and the metal was just an added bonus.

When I saw it the first time, it was $30+.

Um……no

It then went to $20.

Better but still…….no

I knew I could come up with something myself.

Hobby Lobby to the rescue

For $1.49 plus tax for a wooden letter and cabinet pull, I was able to create a one of kind stocking holder for Jack.

I cut a piece of scrap wood left over from the pool house.

I stained it to match all the other wood in our house, painted the letter bright white and glued it to the top, I then screwed the cabinet pull to the bottom of the wood piece and presto……. a stocking holder

Sometimes you just need to do it yourself.

Merry Christmas stocking everyone.

This week I began a project that’s been on my list of TO-DO’s for a long time.

Here’s a sneak peek video of what it looks like before I get started. The video also explains the reason for the hole in the first place.

The Hideout’s main purpose is for when grand babies get old enough to stay the night without parents, but are not quite old enough to stay upstairs alone.

The Hideout can be used as a bedroom or a reading nook. It can be a napping spot or for just playing.

I think I might use it too.

When the new staircase was installed, we knew there would be a great space for creating a hiding spot. We thought a panic room, but that’s not so smart to blog about a safe space in case of emergencies, right?

So today, Day 1, included pulling all the crap out the Hideout that’s been stored.

Throw away…..Donate…..Haul to the garage for another day.

Drag the shopvac up from the garage and get busy sweeping up all the cobwebs, dirt and any other creepies that don’t belong in the space.

Nails in the ceiling?

Why yes, since the space is over the stair landing and there was new hardwood floors installed……nails in the ceiling. They will have to be bent over and disguised since the floors above need all the support they can get. I even found a wrench

I was also able to get a coat of paint on 80% of the walls. The walls will be getting a special treatment so this paint is just to hide the colors of the studs and the drywall.

Day 2 is quickly approaching and it will include finishing painting and starting on the wall treatment.

It going to be fun!!

What club you ask?

It’s a club no one wants to join

It’s the dead parents club.

I am NOT trying to be disrespectful so please hear me out.

A few months ago, I was watching reruns of Gray’s Anatomy. There was a scene where Christina Yang was talking to a George O’Malley. His father had just died and this is what she said:

“There’s a club. The dead dad’s club. You can’t be in it until you are in it. You can try and understand and you can sympathize but until you feel the loss you will never understand. I’m really sorry you had to join the club George.”

George responses, ” I don’t know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn’t.”

Christina replies, ” Yeah that never really changes.”

I’m in the club.

I have friends and family who are in the club.

NO ONE WANTS TO BE IN THE CLUB but it will happen.

Last weekend……. it happened to my best friend.

I’ve been privileged to walk beside her. To listen and be apart of her story for a couple of years now.

Are you ever in awe of another person?

I wanted to make sure that I understood the real definition of awe, so I looked it up and the definition is:

an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like

Yep I was right.

In awe of her strength

In awe of her compassion for others

In awe of her Love for Jesus.

As I lived life with her the last few weeks, I’ve watched her travel back and forth to Georgia to care for her ailing parents. Not just one parent, but both.

I’ve listened to stories of family dysfunction and heartache and then watch her do it afraid.

Last Friday, her father met Jesus.

Last Monday, her mother joined her father.

How does one deal with the death of both parents at the same time?

I’ve struggled for almost a year at the loss of Dad and I hate being in the club.

Absolutely, Positively hate it.

The services were planned. They would have one service for her parents. Two caskets at one time. How does one deal with such heartbreak?

Jesus. He is the only one who will fill the void of despair.

Friends are a gift straight from Him and there is no other explanation for the friendship we have.

It’s a gift.

We asked “Can we come to funeral?”

And her response was “It’s so far. You have busy lives and I’ll be just fine.”

Well sometimes you do it anyways.

You get in the car with your people and you just go anyways

The look of surprise and relief as we entered the Memorial Chapel was all we needed to know that we did the right thing.

Tears of Joy

Hugs of compassion and knowing that we were in the exact place we were supposed to be.

We all have matching bracelets and of course we all had them on. It’s just another way of supporting the ones you love.

There can even be smiles

Squeeze your people tight.

If something nudges you to call someone, DO IT.

If you are supposed to travel 10 hours in one day to support your people during one of the hardest days, just do it.

Sometimes there are no do-overs.

#tribestrong

Yesterday was my birthday.

I am now 54 years old.

Dang ……. I can’t believe I’m that old.

What a year from 53 to 54 it has been.

Today, our pastor spoke of writing a journal and how the journal will show each and every time how God is showing up in our lives. When the ugly shows up and you wonder where all the good is, you can open up the journal and look back and see clearly that He’s been there the whole time. That’s a big part of why I blog. I can look back and see very clearly:

How I was doing?

How I was feeling?

How did I spend my time?

Who did I spend my time with?

Last year in December and on my birthday, my friends took me to breakfast

Last year in December we took Jack’s first Christmas pictures

Last year on Christmas Eve the whole family attended Christmas Eve at the Farm

Last year on December 30 my Daddy met Jesus.

In January I cried a thousand tears as we had memorial services for Dad. One in Florida and Mom and I flew to Ohio to have a service for family up north

I almost froze to death

Later in the month we saw Jen Hatmaker

In February we celebrated 33 years together

And Jack took swimming lessons

And evidently I needed a vacation…..badly

My baby girl turned 32 and Uncle Kyle made us laugh

In March, my tribe was reunited in a big way

And I started my first book club!

In April we attended Easter gathering together

The pool began and I picked out all the goodies that go along with it

The attic stairs were finally finished

May was full of fun with the girls

And Jack William Wissinger had his first birthday

May brought Mothers Day and blueberry picking

June was filled with game nights

The vegetable garden

The splash pad

Father’s Day

And Mom and I began to volunteer at the Interfaith Thrift Store

July included

Fishing!!!

A weekend getaway

The pool continued

And some sweet time with friends

August brought family to town!

House scraping….. again

Water in the pool

A sweet gift and a reminder from my tribe

The pool house started

In September, I got this cute picture

Our family was featured in the Ocala magazine

I planted a butterfly garden

I laughed

And I spent time with amazing people

I encouraged myself

Halloween was fun!

In November

We went to the zoo

I had the privilege to vote

We celebrated BIG

And December is here again

3G Sunday!

I’m an Uber driver this month and we celebrated St Nicolas Day

I know this was long and some might not have made it to the end.

This was a test for me. As December has now became a really hard month as we now celebrate Dad’s graduation to heaven.

That’s right I said celebrate. It’s been a long hard year and I’ve watched my family grieve. But I’ve also watched my family celebrate victories and laugh. I’ve watched them rally hard. I’ve watched them pick themselves up and have a day when it would have been easier to stay in bed and pull the covers up.

I’ve spent this year, at age 53, struggling to be happy sometimes. But I can look back at the photos and the memories and see smiles and laughter and remember that God is so good. He fills my life with so much joy. So many good friends and I lead an amazing life.

Here’s to 53.

I’m ready for you 54.

First is Final is my action word for the year 2019.

Why am I already talking about 2019?

Well……..

Do you ever put you credit card in your pocket because you don’t want to carry your purse. Then you take your pants off, throw them on the closet floor and forget all about your credit card until you are in Publix and go in your wallet for your card and it’s not there?

Asking for a friend.

But really, I’ve already been thinking about what I really want to work on this coming year.

Not a New Years resolution

Not really a word for the year because honestly, by January 17th I’ve already forgotten what my word was.

When I was a full time employee, we were required to do self improvement courses. I usually enjoyed them and during one particular seminar, the speaker mentioned “First is Final. It meant that the first time you pick up something or start something, you do it until it’s done.

I know that somethings have a process and it’s impossible to finish something the first time. However there are times when you CAN finish. If someone asked you for something and you can do it then and there, do it.

It’s completed.

You are happy

The other person is happy.

Now that I’m a stay at homer, I currently have 127 projects started and none finished.

I’m overwhelmed

It’s Christmas

It’s the end of the year

It’s a lot of things and I’m tired of juggling the balls and whose fault is it?

IT’S MINE!!!

Instead of leaving my credit card in my pocket, I will take it out and return it to my wallet. I won’t lose my credit card anymore or at least think that I’ve lost it for maybe 12 days.

Instead of starting a new project after scrolling Pinterest. STOP scrolling PINTEREST…..JUST STOP. I will finish the project(s) I’ve already begun.

This list is an accountability for me. If you see or hear me talking about something other than in this list, you are obligated to put me in my place.

1) Kate’s chairs are done!!!

2) The cute little jars for the laundry room – these are done too!!

3) Jack’s big boy bed

4) Jack’s Stocking holder – Finished!

5) The fireplace in the parlor needs an updated blog post because it’s so cute and it’s getting a facelift already.

6) Install Shiplap in the secret room. WHAT secret room??

I have some Christmas items to assemble too and I’m sure there are more projects started than what I’ve listed. But I’m going to get my “first is final” going right now.

I know…..it’s Christmas and there are gifts to buy and parties to attend. I know there is less money now than other times of the year. I know all that and I agree. I’ve added free Uber driver to my current day, so I get it. Not enough hours in a day right?

But what better time to start than now? Not tomorrow and not next week. The new year? Nope, too many days from now.

However I will need to wait until therapy is over today. Since I’m currently in the parking lot.

Happy Friday friends,

Charma

I am so very guilty of Christmas scrolling through the perfect little Instagram squares.

I will search for decorating inspiration from the 1.7 gazillion people who have posted pictures of their Martha Stewart homes.

I will PIN on Pinterest the ideas I want to recreate and think hard about going to Hobby Lobby this day or that day.

In the end…….I might grab a few new trinkets or ribbon as I stroll through Walmart during my weekly grocery shopping.

But I still decorate my old, falling apart Christmas tree with the same ornaments.

The ornaments that I love.

The ornaments that my kids made when they were 5.

The ornaments that Mom made each and every year with the kids school pictures.

The ornaments that bring memories flooding to my mind.

The ornament that Jack and I chose this year and will remember next year when we hang it on the tree together.

When there is a toddler in the house, decorations go up.

The chandelier got a little love this year

And the train that is supposed to go under the tree?

Well it’s on the fireplace mantle.

Does it matter where the decorations are? Absolutely not.

People are more important that decorations.

I love how the tree shines through the window on the porch

Last year we decked the halls like nobody’s business and won the Historic District Christmas Decorating Contest. That was so fun but this year, simple spoke to me.

A smaller tree with some handmade ornaments

A garland swag with twinkle lights.

Everything looks better with twinkle lights

And some lanterns with candles line the sidewalk.

When Christmas is over and decorations are back in the garage, it will be difficult to even remember what this years decorations looked like.

The memories will not fade.

Read that book with your favorite baby.

Teach that same baby a new song and sing it 1000 times.

Bake the cookies from your grandmas recipe.

Love on some people you know are having a tough time this Christmas season.

Don’t pass by that stranger who is down on their luck. Remember how incredible blessed you are, in so many ways.

Tell your people how much they mean to you, don’t just assume they know.

Happy Christmas season 2018 friends.

There were once two Christmas trees.

They look a lot alike, maybe a small difference in color and needle size.

The were stored next to one another on the top shelf in the garage.

Today, Kyle helped me by pulling down Christmas decorations and trees since my usual helper is a tad incapacitated.

Pulling the trees down was the hardest.

“If you can help me get the trees inside, I think I can handle the rest.”

“Oh Mom” he says, “I don’t mind helping with the decorations.”

Especially when there is a little boy involved.

You see, my family has never been in love with putting up Christmas decorations. I tend to agree with them, but this year, we have a toddler in the house and the twinkle in the eye of a little boy is worth all the effort.

As we trudged totes and tree parts down the driveway and up the stairs, through the kitchen and finally landing in the parlor, items were scattered from one wall to the other.

Trees were the first to assemble. A 10′ in the parlor and an 8′ on the front porch.

The pieces seemed to go together smoothly.

The lights were strung, because you know after a few years and many moves, the pre-strung lights no longer work.

I step back to look at our handy work………I tilt my head to left.

Something just doesn’t look right.

“Kyle, something is wrong.”

The left side of the tree looks like it has some extra fluff and the top is leaning like there is no ones business.

Come on!! Really???

We have the 10′ bottom with the 8′ middle and the 10′ top.

Take the lights off.

Move the 8′ tree pieces to the porch and put the 10′ pieces in their rightful place.

What should have taken a couple of hours, took most of the day.

Most of the day with some of my favorite people.

Most of the day making new memories and talking about old ones

Most of the day catching up on life

I finished up the trees after everyone else had gone home.

The parlor tree is complete. Filled with lots of memories of my little kids and now my big kids – little kids.

Jack and I even braved Hobby Lobby today for his “2018” ornament.

We went for a Kitty Cat because that what he told me he wanted (yeah sure) and ended up with a fighter jet.

When the 18 month old grabs the plane and make plane noises while sitting in the cart, you know it’s the one to buy.

As we begin this season of celebration, we as a family who lost a loved one this time last year, struggle with days of happiness and moments of sadness.

We strive to be joyful

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year isn’t it?

Many struggle with the holidays. Whether it be loneliness, grief, financial struggles, family drama or just plain life.

Remember to smile when you are shoulder to shoulder with people in the stores.

Sing those Christmas Carols loud and proud.

Hug your people and maybe even some that are not your people.

Merry November 26th.

We are still eating thanksgiving leftovers………….

Our family gathered for Thanksgiving this week.

Tonight Kyle, Moshe and I sat and talked about writing styles, blog aspirations and other such things. Just normal conversation for a Friday night. Yeah right…..

My son, the absolute smartest human I know, gives wonderful advise. He also shares of how he gathers inspiration from others, as well as he and his other Grad School students rely on one another to read and edit each other’s work.

As I soaked in the teachings, an offer was made to “guest blog.”

He said “give me a subject and I’ll write for you.”

I responded “write about your thoughts on this Thanksgiving.”

Here you go.

I have no problem giving thanks. I don’t want to seem arrogant or haughty, but I think of myself as a gracious person. Let those around you know that you appreciate them, be generous with gratitude, and support your neighbor. A few simple principles I try and live by. It isn’t always easy, but it’s simple, and I like that. Be good to others, be gracious, and be kind. Tell people you love them, tell them you appreciate them. Easy as that. Be thankful.

I have, however, encountered a small hurdle on this path of gratitude. I think we’ve all experienced it; try with everything we have to be positive and courteous, try and give strength to those who have none. But I still find myself focused on the loss my family endured this past year. My grandfather, a constant in my life, left us. This makes my principled worldview harder to maintain as of late. I’m not thankful that he’s gone, I’m not gracious in his absence, I’m not satisfied with our familial deficiency. I’m still here, thinking about him, wondering what he would be doing right now. I want to talk with him; about football, about that F-100 parked in my parents’ garage, about all of the remarkable stuff going on in my life.

When I sat down to write this, I didn’t plan on spending 750 words talking about my grandfather, but here we are. Still ruminating on our loss, still grappling with the reality of missing someone very important. I want to move away from this narrative, but I can’t seem to do it. I can’t deny Vernon his voice, because he is still all around me; in the smell of motor oil, in every Roger Miller song, every time I see something red. He loved red.

It seems redundant to tell stories about my grandfather at this point; I don’t know what to say about him that hasn’t already been said. His reputation clearly proceeds him, as every time I make the drive to Ocala, I hear some new remarkable detail about him; how he brought light into the lives of so many, how he gave sound and sage advice, or how he, in very simple and small ways, was able to stay so positive in the face of utmost adversity. The loss of mobility. The lack of independence. Cancer. That damn cancer.

The good news is I find my gratitude and graciousness working properly again, if slightly inconsistently. It comes in waves, crashing heavily around the holiday season and ebbing as I return to my normal schedule. I think this ebb and flow is a strong indicator of how, at least in my case, to deal with loss. The quiet times are the hardest, as the regular has become irregular; loss takes its toll in the day-to-day, so I’m working to strengthen my resolve, to become more consistent, and to take it a little bit at a time. I am remaining thankful by remembering, allowing myself to live in the past, even for just a moment, to feel the warmth and generosity of Vernon. Not running away from the memories, but allowing them to wash over me, giving thanks for every single moment the most remarkable person I knew made his way into my life. As I drive my truck, I think of sitting on his lap, working the stick shift in his diesel Dodge, destroying his transmission with my poor shifting. As I make my morning commute, I think of rides to school. As I shape my scholarship for publication, putting my work into the world for every academic to pick apart and critique, I think about simple lunches with his friends. In every solitary moment, I think of countless time spent just the two of us. I think of secrets we have, secrets that no one else gets to know. The day-to-day is quickly becoming a stereoscope of beautiful memories, reminding me of how I have been loved, appreciated, and cared for. I have decided to take each remarkable moment and fashion my image in them; their happiness drives me forward, the lessons they taught me shape my path.

So hopefully it has become quite clear: I can’t deny Vernon his voice. He is still speaking, and I won’t ever stop listening. Not even for a second.

Kyle

Thanksgiving 2018 is in the books.

It was a good day filled with family, some extra special friends and lots and lots of food.

We started the day with homemade waffles. We held hands and prayed a prayer of thankfulness.

I cried.

Tears of love for the people that sat around our table and tears for the empty seat this year at Thanksgiving. Tears of joy and tears of sadness all at the same time.

The afternoon was spent preparing for our Thanksgiving feast. Most would have their turkey baking in the oven smelling up the house with its goodness.

Our turkey was always prepared by Dad. He has a special way of seasoning his bird. He would stand for hours, days before Thanksgiving, grilling his one of a kind turkey.

Some traditions cannot be forgotten or left behind just because the person isn’t here.

Dads turkey made its appearance on our Thanksgiving table.

I could have tried to make Dad’s turkey.

I could have made an oven turkey.

But Mom made Dad’s turkey. She seasoned it with love and I watched her stand over the grill for most of a day.

Was it easy for her?

I’m definitely positive that it was not. But she did it. She did it because she loves her family. She did it because there’s some traditions that just can’t go away.

Dad’s turkey will not go away.

Neither will the special moments with a cute baby

Neither will great friends who bring amazing stuffing and beautiful pies and neither will surprises when other friends bring you the best smoked pork you might have ever eaten. Why? Because they love you.

Mom and I watched a Hallmark Christmas movie and as I listened to the corny lines and not so great acting, I heard this,

“Traditions are the stories that families write together.”

At lunch/dinner we held hands.

Justin prayed a prayer of thankfulness. He prayed beautifully and as I squeezed the hands I held, I was thankful for today.

Of course cried.

I’m going to keep writing our story.

Today has been long awaited

It’s surgery day.

It’s not a life threatening surgery, but whenever someone cuts into you and you need to have a tube shoved down your throat, it’s big.

3 years

3 years since a van pulled out in front of his truck and caused a crash.

3 years of house renovations. Pushing though the pain

Today, that ends.

We are the first surgery of the day and me and my chucks are all ready for a morning in the waiting room and an afternoon of caring for the patient.

I’m not fearful for the surgery. I’m confident in the surgeons skills. I’m grateful for the nurses and the staff at the surgery center

However my hope is not in any of these people.

Yesterday we celebrated the 10th anniversary at Church of Hope. There were giant signs and photo opportunities. even babies celebrated.

There were Birthday wish videos and we even had special guests singers.

We sang a new song

It has been on repeat in my head since yesterday morning. Do I wonder why it’s been on repeat?

Nope. Not even at 3am when I was wide awake.

So today as I have already kissed the patient and said “see you soon, I love you,” I’ll put in my ear buds and listen to the song that speaks to me. Have a blessed day!

Here are just a few of the words and the video link is at the end.

You cover me, You cover me

I’m resting in Your shadow

You’re my strength and bravery

You cover me, You cover me

I’m safe inside Your presence

You hold back the enemy

You cover me

I’m free, from the terror by night

Or the arrows by day

You are my strength!

I’m free, come disaster or threat

You are my defense

You are my shield!

I’m free, from the terror by night

Or the arrows by day

You are my strength!

Here is the video if you want to watch