The Downtown Farmhouse

Since the afternoon of Christmas Day 2017, life has been hard.

It has been heartbreaking sadness. It has been frustration and it has been just plain hard.

My Father, My Dad, My Daddy, My friend, My work partner left this earth and met Jesus on December 30th.

The week prior to his departure was probably the hardest week of my life and the weeks to follow have been rough. I don’t know how else to describe it but just rough.

Two memorial services, one at home in Florida and the other in Ohio for our north family and friends. We returned home from Ohio yesterday. Today, we start our new normal. As I reflect back on the last weeks I want to find positives. Even during the worst times of our lives, there has to be things to hold onto that were good or that we can learn from.

Lesson 1:

When people want to help, LET THEM.

Let them spend time with you. They wouldn’t do it if they didn’t want to. Let them feed you.We have had more food than we knew what to do with. We have frozen food, we have given food away, we have invited others to eat with us. Some people have the gift of cooking and it’s how they show their love. Open the door and let whoever wants to bless you in the front door. Let them serve you. If you are lucky enough to have people in your lives that want to be your arm holders, let them do it. I say all of this because I’ve had to let go. Let go of the guilt of people wanting to help. Accept that I am loved by so many and that one day I will have the opportunity to serve and love them like they have me.

Lesson 2:

Spend time with people. Don’t wait. Don’t make excuses.

Just do it.

It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It can be outside on the porch, swinging as the sun goes down. It can be a last minute “let’s roast hot dogs over the fire for dinner” kind of night. It can be dominoes on a Friday night. It can be a phone call just because you were thinking of them.

Those cousins you rarely see.

The aunts and uncles that live in another state.

They are worth connecting with.

This past April I left my job. It was time for me to be close to home. To spend as much time with Dad as I could. Most days I would wait in my house till around 9 am. Dad would come through the door and he would either be in his Pj’s which meant it wasn’t a great day or he would show up in his work clothes which meant we were going to the garage. Either way was ok because no matter what, I was given the opportunity to be with him. I could have made more money, been able to go on fancy vacations or make a corporate name for myself but instead I was able to etch memories in my mind that will never go away.

Lesson 3:

Get your affairs in order. NOW.

I am so grateful to have been able to help Mom take care of things. But WOW people, it’s not easy. The paperwork and the calls that have to take place after someone passes away is staggering. My folks were super organized and knew where everything was so really I think my job was probably easier than normal.

Funeral planning? I had no clue

Estate documents? Gets yours and make your loved ones get them now. Please please trust me on this one.

It’s so much easier to think about it now than when you are grieving. Go to your loved ones and do it together. You won’t be sorry

Lesson 4:

This is the hardest one so far.

How many older people do you spend time with? They are not old, they are just older than you. One day you will be there.

I’ve watched as I have spent hours with Mom taking her here and there. There are older people who have no one. They are at the Dr’s office filling out the 18 pages of information alone and some are so confused. I have wondered how they handle difficult things such as the mountains of paperwork to handle when someone passes away. Some are completely alone and some just feel it. We, me included get busy in our everyday lives and forget.

I’m not sure what all this means for me but I will not forget this experience and I will figure out how to live my life without Dad.

I do know that I want to make a difference. Somehow by learning from my experiences even if that means walking this difficult road with someone else.

Happy Monday friends.

I’m going to go put on my work clothes. #newnormal

The last two weeks can only be described as heartbreaking. You took a piece of my heart with you.

There have been sleepless nights and buckets of tears.

We have spent hours of planning your Celebration of Life Service and taken phone call after phone call consoling the many people that loved you so very much.

The house has been full.

Full of your family as they travelled thousands of miles to make it here before you met Jesus. Thank goodness for this big old house. She has made us proud. She has kept your family safe and warm during this frigid week as we talked and shared about how much we will miss you.

Our friends have fed us. Oh my goodness. I’ve never felt so loved as I have this week by our friends.

The family had to go home yesterday and the new normal starts today. It’s really early on Sunday morning and I’m singing this morning. I’m afraid I might be a bucket of tears this morning at church but what’s a girl to do? Waterproof mascara is the only thing I can think of. And of course, Jason picks It is Well to sing this morning. I cry every single time no matter what during that song. However the song is so perfect.

Through it all, through it all

My eyes are on You

Through it all, through it all

It is well

Through it all, through it all

my eyes are on You

It is well, with me

Our sweet sister gave us gratitude journals to write in and today will start day 1 cause you told me not to be sad. I won’t say what I said back to you but now…… I will follow instructions.

I miss you so much already. But I am promised:

Promised as you loved Jesus with your whole heart that one day we will meet again.

Promised as you led me as a little girl to love Jesus with my whole heart that Heaven would be the place that we would all spend eternity.

Promised…..

that while I’m still here on earth trying to keep it together,

learning how to drive our 3 speed on the column 1966 Ford F100 and I might even sass you a little since you called me chicken.

figuring out how to maneuver through your gazillion tools in the garage,

choking down tears at Sunday night family dinner,

watching as Mom learns to live without you.

that when I take my last breath and enter the gates of heaven, we will meet again.

I will meet you at the gate. Ok?

Love,

Your baby girl

Last night, late for my standards, I texted a friend, more like family and could be my daughter.

Dads medication has changed recently and it’s been a struggle watching the process. There are so many side effects and watching the struggle is real. I absolutely hate it and all I want to do is make it better. However I am not a Dr. I do not have abbreviations after my name unless daughter counts.

When someone you love suffers, all you can think of is how to make it better.

That’s where the text comes in.

Tuesday’s are for tacos in Mom and Dads world.

Every Tuesday.

If Dad can put his clothes on, then he wants tacos.

Yesterday was no different.

I offered to drive and Courtney, Jack and Justin went with us and we met some sweet friends of Mom and Dads.

I watch as Dad struggles to get in and out of the car and thank goodness his taste buds cooperate and he enjoys the tacos he dearly loves. It’s obvious he’s not himself and I try to think of something I can do.

My memory bank thinks back to some oils Charity gave me when I was struggling with a cold.

What can it hurt?

I text her in the way home from dinner. She immediately responds with a list of what might help.

She tells me she will mix up a bottle and will bring it by.

I’m not good at receiving gifts.

Gifts of things

Gifts of time

Gifts of love and acceptance

However this morning I received a gifts of love from Charity.

She left a bag of oils on my front porch on her way to work at 7am.

She left a detailed description of what was in the bag.

She left so much more.

She left a piece of her heart in a bag.

She left time spent as she prepared love in a bottle

She left her love for my family

Whether or not we are genetically connected or not, she is family.

Family in the form of a beautiful, kind, caring woman.

I am grateful.

Last year on this very day, I was a High School girls small group leader. For Christmas we gave the girls a key ring that was stamped Worthy. We wanted the girls to know that no matter what the world told them, they were worthy.

I needed to step away from leading the girls but this memory popped up on my Facebook feed today. It’s 4:06am and I’ve been awake for over an hour.

Around 2:30, a drink was needed so I made my way to the kitchen. Not paying attention I ran into the barstool and my baby toe is still throbbing. I’m assuming that’s my reason for the lack of sleeping. However it could have been this giant plate of food I consumed earlier tonight.

I see a nap in my afternoon.

I have been thinking a lot about my Saturday.

It began with a visit to the jail. I currently have a friend who is spending time there.

It doesn’t matter who and it doesn’t matter why. However I want to share with you why my visit was so profound.

We chit chatted about current events and the upcoming Christmas season. It’s hard to share so much fun when the time there is…….well not so fun.

They have a “store” called the canteen. They have the opportunity to purchase needed items. It’s strictly voluntary and they can receive money from the outside for them to use for canteen items. My friend has been blessed by family and friends with extra canteen money.

Her and a few others have decided to be a blessing to others with their abundance and create Christmas baskets full of canteen items for those who have zero money in their accounts. They will draw names and those chosen will receive a Christmas basket full of items from those who have more than they need.

As I write this it doesn’t seem like a big deal but listen……..some of the other inmates have nothing. They have absolutely nothing. They have no money and even less hope.

My friend, as hard as it is to spend Christmas in jail has found a way to spread Hope and love to those around her. She has chosen to show Jesus love through cookies and crackers and new socks to women whom might not know what that love is.

She has allowed her circumstances to feed into others and to allow them to know they are worthy. They are worthy of so much more than their current situation. They are worthy of Jesus love.

During this season, the last week before Christmas as we scramble to finish our shopping. As we attend party after party and stress over the lack of time and grasp for patience. I’m choosing to be more like my friend. I’m choosing to see those around me that might be struggling silently. I’m choosing to look around and see who might need a portion of my canteen.

Thank you my sweet friend who teaches me a lesson from the other side of the video screen.

We are singing What a Beautiful Name at church this morning. It’s one of my favorites. Take a listen and know you are His favorite.

https://youtu.be/nQWFzMvCfLE

It’s Sunday!

Let’s do this.

If you don’t know the story of naked girls room, you can read it here Naked girls room

and here The floor

There are two large windows over the bed

The room sits on the second floor so there’s no a lot of issues with seeing in but at night when guests are hanging out, I really didn’t  want them to worry about the neighbors seeing them in their pj’s.

I thought about curtains but just couldn’t come up with a design plan. That usually means move on to another idea.

One day I saw this pictures and the lightbulb went off.

I can do that!

Dad and I made a plan and got to work.

So cute!!!

Here’s a close up

And they open!

I’m still in love love love with the floor

Here’s to new shutters.

Who is coming to visit next?

Carla?

Sherri?

The room is ready!

Have a fabulous Thursday,

Charma

Weekly I listen to a podcast I enjoy tremendously.

At the end of the podcast, Jen Hatmaker always asks the person she is interviewing a question.

“What is saving your life?”

So many different answers from so many different people.

I can’t lie.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks.

So many people in my life suffer or are hurting.

Dad was in the hospital again and some decisions for his care were made.

A friends marriage is falling apart

Difficult Dr. reports have been received. Cancer has touched 2 more families just this week.

The world we live in is difficult. It’s a scary place sometimes. We listen to the news and almost daily there is tragedy.

The podcast aired and the question was asked “what is saving your life?”

My day had began as most days do.

I saw Steve off to work and he was traveling so we said goodbye until the next day.

I grabbed a cup of coffee and spoke a few words to the others in our home. Justin said to me as he was leaving “you look like you have something on your mind.” I responded “I’m just planning my day.” I was really lost in my thoughts and didn’t want to cry.

I had a list of things I wanted to do that day and it was long so I needed to get started.

I needed to move bricks from the front yard to the back yard. I grabbed the wheelbarrow and got busy.

I received a text from a friend asking how I was. I responded back with a picture above and said that manual labor is good for the soul and that I was good. All true. Manual labor has been saving my life.

Busy hands

Busy body

Sweat a little

It feels good.

I celebrated my birthday this past week. 53 ya’ll. How did I get to 53? It’s just crazy. It was such a fun day and I was blessed with time.

Time to sit and have breakfast with some of my best girlfriends.

Time to spend the afternoon with my guy.

Time to sit around a beautiful campfire with our besties and cook hotdogs and make s’mores.

What does this year bring?

This year will bring peace and contentment.

It will bring boundaries

It will bring hellos and goodbyes. #every45days

It will bring joy and I’m sure some sorrow

It will be filled with love. I have no doubt about that one.

Be blessed my friends.

What is saving your life right now?

You had your 7 month birthday this week.

You are the cutest.

You can sit up alone but it’s not smart to leave you for long because you might fall over and hit your face on a chair leg. Not that I would know anything about that.

You are so nosey. You want what everyone else has and if you want it, you reach both of your precious, chubby little hands straight out and pant like a dog.

It might be someone’s phone.

It might be the Christmas tree

It might your Pops face

You have 4 teeth

Food is not your favorite…..yet.

You love to ride in your stroller and you had your first swing ride today

You love your family and actively reach for whoever is nearby.

Sesame Street is your favorite and we all have learned the letter of the day song by heart.

You dance like a rock star

Ba is your word. We all want it to mean our names but I’m thinking probably not.

You are growing way too fast.

I can’t imagine loving you more.

Love,

BB

T is for TIME

We are only given 24 hours in a day. That seems like a lot of time. But is it really? So much time is spent on this little computer I hold in my hand. So much time is spent facing forward staring at a television. As we speed into the next year, I want to be diligent of precious moments we are given.

Ecclesiastes 3v 1-8

There is a time for everything, A season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

H is for HANDS

Hands are for helping others

Hands are for holding babies and the hands of the ones you love

Hands are for creating

Hands are for petting the sweet dog you love so much

Hands are for so much more.

A is for ANSWERS

Do you wait for answers?

Of course you do.

Sometimes the answers are scary and you might not want to hear

Sometimes the answers are exciting and the beginning of a great adventure

No matter what the answer is, grab it with gusto.

N is for NICE

I have a sign in my mudroom that says “Because Nice Matters.”

It does.

It really does

K is for Kiss

Always kiss the one you Love

S is SELF

Don’t forget you.

Take time to rest

Take time to have fun

Take time for you

G is for GIVE

Always give more than you have.

You won’t be disappointed.

I promise

I is for INQUIRE

Talk to people

Ask them about them

Don’t forget to listen. People are so interesting and lead lives worthy of hearing about.

Make sure you aren’t waiting for them to take a breath so you can talk about you.

V is for VICTORY

Celebrate the little things

Life’s victories don’t have to be of gigantic proportions.

I is for IMPROVE

We can all improve somehow.

Is there something you have wanted to learn but are too afraid?

My favorite quote from the movie We Bought a Zoo:

You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.

N is for NOW

Don’t wait until later

Don’t wait until tomorrow

Somethings need to be done right now.

What is it?

What needs to be done right now?

You know you have something.

G is for GROW

As we near the end of this year, look back and see where you’ve grown.

It’s important to grow. Not in pants size but in integrity and in faithfulness. Grow in kindness and goodness.

Grow in giving and in serving.

Grow in _________________.

It’s Thanksgiving morning. I woke thinking of the day ahead. My brain immediately goes to the food preparations.

The food now has been prepared and just needs to go it the oven. My family is home minus a few of my favorites. We will gather around a table and stuff ourselves silly. I love thanksgiving food.

We will watch a movie vis FaceTime cause that’s what Kyle and I love to do. We will watch the Cowboys at 4:30 because that’s a Thanksgiving tradition.

We will laugh and we will share

We will savor the time we have as a family because it doesn’t happen as often as it used to. Lives are busy and this Momma and BB (grandmomma) doesn’t want to miss a second

I am thankful for you.

Almost a year ago, Steve received an award at work. He was 2nd in the nation in sales. He received a monetary award and I immediately put stashed it away for something special.

We began to think about what we would like to do to celebrate.

Steve has been a Dallas Cowboy football fan for as long as I have known Him and according to his family, much longer than that.

He has seen the Cowboys play in person but not in Texas on their home turf.

Why not make a long weekend of it and enjoy some time away?

We picked a game and ordered tickets

We scheduled a hotel and a rental car

We bought our plan tickets and then we waited.

Months went by and finally the time came for us to pack up and leave.

We say goodbye to the family.

A baby trying to get his two front teeth and is making life hard on his parents.

A sleepless momma of a little.

A sick daddy (mine) who has struggled for the most of two weeks.

A mom (mine) worried about the sick daddy but stays the course and is the best nurse you can find.

We don’t worry that our home will be taken care of, but anyone who lives with multi-generations understands as we travel out of state, that we care for one another and when one family is missing………. well exactly that, one family is missing. It’s not that our family can’t take of themselves, because that’s not the case at all. It’s that we miss being with them.

We travel to Texas with agendas and plans.

Most of the weekend has passed before the main event.

Before we left home appropriate game clothing was purchased. It’s not every day you get to celebrate at the Dallas Cowboys stadium.

There were T-shirts and jerseys to choose from but I’m not really a typical T-shirt kind of girl.

However when I saw these star pants, I was sold!

We schedule a shuttle to take us to the stadium.

Wow what a stadium!

Now, professional football tickets aren’t cheap and obviously the AT&T stadium in all its fanciness needs to charge enough to birth a child for a football ticket.

Our seats were…..let me just say……up high. I was able to get a serious cardio workout as we climbed stairs.

The jumbo screen is so big, it wouldn’t have mattered if we were outside in the parking lot, it felt as if we had front front seats.

We were able to see the DCC

And we participated in the National Anthem

We watched as Jerry Jones was inducted into the Hall of Fame and we watched as the 1992 Cowboys filed into the field.

My favorite part?

Watching and sitting next to my favorite guy as he experiences and stores away memories.

The game did not go as planned. The Boys did not play their best and it was a disappointing loss. However the evening was everything we hoped for.

We spent time together

We enjoyed and created memories

We were able to check off a bucket list item or two since Magnolia was a big highlight of my weekend

Steve works extremely hard and I’m grateful for the time we are given to celebrate him.

We now sit in the airport on the Monday before Thanksgiving dreaming about our next adventure and excited to get home to our families.

As we have traveled the last 4 days like Trains, Planes and Automobiles we are fingers and toes crossed and bathing in anti-bacterial that the cooties stay away.

Make the most of the time given you.

Charma

When we are out of town, I like to find a church to visit.

We serve and love our home church.

As I started my search for a church to visit while in Texas, my thoughts went to some of the most famous churches in North America.

Lakewood Church in Houston was an initial thought but Houston is too far away.

I am a fan of Kari Jobe and I remembered reading about her home church being in Dallas.

Gateway!

Yep that’s the one we will visit

I’m so excited for the Worship I can hardly contain myself

They have 3 services on Sunday.

We are on vacation, so we opt for the 12:30.

Sleep in

Leisurely breakfast

Get ready and head out for the 30 minute drive

It’s big!

I had read about its 30,000 plus members.

Ok let’s go mingle

The choir files in

Yes, a worship choir

I’m even more excited

Here are a few samples of the music.

So good

So incredibly good

And there was a special guest singer

Mom and Dad would have loved to hear Guy Penrod from The Gaithers.

I cried. It was so beautiful

The teaching was about why we are or are not healed from our sicknesses. I think we were supposed to be there.

Lunch was an adventure.

I love to try new places and I looked up some places from Diner, Drive-in’s and Dives.

We found Chop House Burger in Dallas and made our way into the city

Dallas is full of old beautiful buildings and pigeons that dive bomb my head as I exit the car

We walked the two blocks to the restaurant

I ordered the Chop House Burger and Steve had the Wine House Burger

Both were outstanding!

We headed back to the hotel to rest up for a few hours.

It’s was going to be a big night in Texas.